I don’t feel these gifts all the time. In fact, today, I don’t feel them at all. I am drowning in an ocean of tears. I don’t know what to do with my bitterness. I am not sweet. I’m quite horrible it seems. As Ram Dass says if you think you are enlightened just spend time with your family. All the prayers I have ever prayed, all the songs I sing, all the stories, all the art, none of it can purge the hurt that goes from family member to family member. I wish I could sew my mouth shut and never say another harsh word, but then my anger and hurt would pour out of my eyes. If I pluck out my eyes, it will seep out of my pores. I am haunted. Please, God, help me. I can’t cure myself. I don’t know what to do.