Way To Score!

I was trying to be scientific. I was going to track my volitional actions versus knee jerk reactions.

By the way, where did that phrase come from? Knee jerk reaction.

Anyway, I wanted to prove to someone that trauma induced behavior patterns can be changed with kundalini yoga and Reiki. So I was going to use a scale between 1 and 100, the higher the number, the more volitional the behaviour.

I started taking notes and gave myself a number for how conscious I was at decision-ways throughout the day.

Remind me to tell you about decision-ways.

Of course, because I was scoring my actions I was more aware of the opportunity to make a decision and was able to make a choice in line with my values and goals.

I was keeping score.

At the end of the day I had 1,098 points. Hahahahaha!

I didn’t count any negatives.

I’m not sure there is flaw in my system.

Ok about decision -ways. When my son was in high school he determined that hallways should be called decision-ways because we always have to decide which room we are going to enter. So when I become mindful of a choice to make I call that a decision-way. Thanks, Sam.

15 Minute Physician

An elderly woman goes to see her geriatric physician. She has multiple medical issues for which she is being treated and is on many medications, some of which make her throw up in the morning, but she can’t figure out on her own which medications are making her ill.

Her doctor, after giving her the news that he doesn’t know how to help her, abruptly opens the door to leave stating that she has already taken up too much of his time. She is left alone in the room with no plan for forward action other than “See another specialist.”

This woman worked hard until she retired at 62. She lives on a fixed income. Medicare barely covers the costs of her regular doctor visits and even less of the cost to see a specialist.

Almost all medical conditions are relegated to specialists today. Hardly any health concern is considered general care. She cannot afford to see another specialist.

To make matters worse, the physicians do not communicate well with one another, so the elderly woman’s care is fragmented and difficult for her to integrate into a cohesive plan.

Insurance won’t cover alternative medical health care. So the woman is left confused and worse off than she was before seeing a doctor.

This is health care in America. Land of the free, the brave and those left to suffer their old age poorly cared for by professionals too busy to offer the real medicine: hope.

Can we change this?

Lights In A Looking Glass

Warning: This is not good writing. It is just a place holder for some cool stuff going on in my life.

What I am about to tell you doesn’t mean I am special or crazy, but I see lights and shapes and things when I meditate. Patanjali warned that seeing lights or having experiences of smelling flowers and other signs and wonders might lead the yogi astray. He said we should not meditate in order to gain these abilities lest we be tricked and forget to continue on our path. So I am duly warned.

But it doesn’t mean I am doing anything wrong, either. (When I use myself as an example, I am not writing for myself alone, but for anyone out there who might identify with my experience.)

There have been times, when I was in deep thought or meditation, or after yoga, that certain knowledge comes to me that I would have no way of knowing otherwise. I can’t explain it. But I’m too curious about it to just count it as a flaw in my practice, as some would consider it to be, a hindrance or unnecessary imagination.

Once it happened when I was sitting in a doctor’s office, waiting for an appointment. I was drawing a candle flame for a painting I wanted to do. I wanted to get the flame just right so I kept drawing it over and over. There was some quality the flame had that I wanted to portray in my painting, but I didn’t know what is was.

In a burst of sudden insight, I knew that light was cohesive—that it clung to itself. Now I didn’t have the words to explain what I was seeing except that is was some electromagnetic force that caused this phenomenon. I did a quick search and learned a little about the physics of light and found that it was the cohesive property of light that I was trying to paint. My quick foray into physics gave me the words I needed to express what I had learned intuitively by looking at and drawing a candle flame.

The earliest (scientific) intuition was about Fourier Transforms, which are formule that allow an object to be deconstructed, analysed and reconstituted in oder to understand the nature of the object. The insight came when I was looking at physics books just for the beauty of the equations. Thise equations used to inspire me to write poetry. Even though I had no idea what the equations meant! I can’t speak math. I just loved the way they LOOKED. When my eys landed on the Fourier Transforms I had the sudden internal knowing that they would explain the phenomeno of people switching certain mind states when traumatized.

My hunch is that our brain uses a type of Fourier transform when we “switch” personality states during trauma, or even when we change levels of awareness in meditation.

Another insight came last night. t had to do with something that happened while I was doing a kundalini exercise. I saw (in my mind’s eye) a large infinity symbol, or figure eight, aligned vertically, it’s axis running through the center of my body. I won’t go into the details of the vision here because it would obscure the fact that this phenomena happened spontaneously. It wasn’t expected or conjured up for the fun of it. I saw and felt the figure 8 line of energy running through my body (but not limited to the confines of my skin.) It spread out a bit.

I began to be curious about the double helix, which led me to search for info on dna. There was a word that grabbed my attention, and that word was chiral.

have a hunch that there is a chemical or bio-electric trigger that facilitates the switches happening during the Fourier Transform effect and it happens at certain chiral junctions. If we are conscious of the movement of our breath, we may be able to effect these changes. The implications are huge! Right?

There is something about the way the molecules mirror image one another that allow Alice to go through the looking glass, so to speak.

Of course, trying to explain this to people makes them shake their heads and offer me a pillow and a blanket in a soft chair with a nice little straight jacket to keep me warm. And I admit, it is odd. I am not making educated guess, I am making intuitive guesses, which, if they pan out, with be all the more interesting.

I am writing about it and talking about it NOW so that when these theories are brought to light by greater minds, you will say, “Yes, we can know and trust what we know.” Someone can intuitively know a thing and it can be validated by the scientific method as soon as the science has grown up enough to ask the right questions.

But for heaven’s sake, don’t stop being curious. Not even you, Alice.

Dear Future Self, Welcome To My Body

I have to tell you that I was quite surprised and very pleased that you decided to come and stay with me here and now. I thought I’d have to wait who knows how long to actually get to hang out with you. But here you are! In the flesh. In my flesh, to be exact.

It is very gracious of you to not turn your nose up at our living conditions. As you can see, I am a work in progress. But this is a very busy construction site and wonderful things are in the works.

Yesterday, as “fate” (I don’t know what else to call this underlying symmetry that permeates all things)–as fate would have it, I had a wonderful conversation with a woman in a waiting room at the hospital who confided in me her worries about her son. As it happened, I had had similar experiences with my son, so I was able to be of comfort and offer a little help. We were both brought to tears during the encounter; both of us felt touched by grace to have met and shared our stories.

Little did I know that a yogini friend was sending light and love to me at that very moment. I had asked for her blessings with a kundalini practice we were doing with Spiritual Voyage Global Sadhana. I have no doubt that her blessings played a part in the flow of conversation between the waiting room friend and I because I had stated that I wanted to learn the yoga to be of greater service in my home and community.

The next evidence of the efficacy of this spiritual work is that I had a dream that I am sure was connected on a deep level to work being done in the area of suicide prevention. I can’t explain it in this letter; this letter would turn into a novel.

Future Self, as you know, I want to be an instrument of God’s peace more than anything. And the fact that you are here early, even before I can share your wardrobe, fills me confidence that God is hearing my prayers. I see the work you do and I hope to learn more about in dreamland. Now that we share the same body, watching our dreams will be like going to the movies! You can show me the future, and I can show the warm and fuzzy nostalgic films.

It is already different with you here. Just this morning, when I attempted the kundalini practice that I was having trouble with, I knew I had help from the spirit realm. I felt the assistance of teachers and friends guiding and encouraging me with each breath.

Oh, let me just give you the juicy details.

I was practicing the Thunderbolt of Shiva and had previously been unable to coordinate the breathing with the locks that are to be applied. I just couldn’t do it without becoming breathless and tense.

I also had not been able to sit in easy pose because my bones were too arthritic to fold that way.

But today was different. I saw a way to use my exercise ball as a prop for my crossed legs while I sat on the window seat. So there I was, in an easy easy pose, ready to try the practice again.

I had a vision of a beam of light from Livtar’s eye flash when it met with mine at the beginning of meditation as if to say, Ah! Glad you showed up! There were other’s there. Kelly was one, and gentle Snatam Kaur,

I was guided to breathe normally for a few moments while I silently chanted the mantra, letting myself fall into the rhythm of it.

Then I felt as if I was on a big swing in a beautiful tree. Like a little kid, I was being gently pushed to and fro, one teacher in front and one behind.

When ever I was ready, they instructed, i could apply navel lock at the next inhale and hold it while silently chanting the mantra. Then,I was told, I was to let go and breathe normally, to just keep up with the mantra while swinging in the tree swing.

“Then whenever ready,” they instructed, “apply root lock on an exhale and hold the breath out as long as it didn’t cause any panic or strain. And, as before, breathe normal breaths, chant silently and and enjoy being in the swing until ready to try another lock-breath.”

i went for 11 minutes with no strain.

i didn’t want to stop at 11 minutes, so i started the music again and this time only focused on the visualization aspects of the kriya, seeing light around my hands and thunderbolts moving through the top of my head through out my body, especially into my hands.

At the end of that session i used the time and space to send reiki to those who are in need of it, including myself, but especially those who are feeling like there is no option left to them except suicide.

It was a fruitful practice. It was a good day, and now you, future self, are here, in the flesh, as well! What a boon.

The sun has just gone down on our first day together. Let’s make tea and a gratitude gift. I am thinking of a wire tree necklace–or a few necklaces.

The dog is curled up, cozy beside me and the cat will wander in here soon.

Tell me, now that you have come to stay in my body, do I have a place in the future with you as well?

Can you tell me a story about what it’s like there? Can you start with the trees? What kind of trees are holding the wind chimes? (I know there will be wind chimes and gongs.)

Dear Future Self, May I Borrow Those Jeans?

I don’t want no fancy pants; I’m not looking for flash and dazzle.

Well, okay, maybe a teeny bit of dazzle.

I see you in a pair of good hiking boots. You are standing on a large rock outside your home. Of course, you have a staff that your uncle Raymond gave you, and it’s got all its crystals firmly attached.

But it’s the jeans you are wearing that I want to borrow. I just love those things!

They are the perfect shade of blue and those pockets are so easy to get to. You never have to fumble to find them.

Those jeans are not too tight and not baggy. I want to wear them because you bought them when your other jeans were too big. Remember how good it felt when you’d lost all that weight and were in such good shape that your old pants kept falling down? Hahaha! So you went out and bought new jeans.

You bought new hiking boots too. Your feet were healed completely. The podiatrist was flabergasted. He had done the x-rays himself, both the before and the after. The before x-rays looked like an earthquake had shifted the bones in your feet and the after shots showed normal, healthy bone structure. He could not explain it and would not have believed it if he hadn’t treated you himself.

When you used to talk to him about yoga and Reiki, he thought you were a little flaky. Okay, he thought you were quite flaky, but he liked you because you had such a positive attitude.

Now when he sees you he just shakes his head and looks deeply puzzled.

Your other doctors had the same reaction when you went back to see them after taking your health into your own hands.

What was it that convinced you that you were not getting well by their treatments? Their medicines, which only treated individual symptoms, actually caused more complicated problems because they ignored the real cause of the dis-ease.

But you started listening carefully to the wisdom of body; you finally recognized body as ally and not enemy. You cared for her. You made sure she had good rest, good sleep, good work and good fun. You learned to fine tune her senses and seeing, hearing and all the rest became a highly developed art. The whole world sprang to life and every multidimensional moment was magnificent in its own right.

You learned that body is an excellent transmitter of beautiful, helpful energy. You became a source of healing for your family and friends.

Even your relationships, especially the difficult ones, got better. Old conflicts were resolved and ancestral wounds were healed.

Another thing I like about those jeans is that you don’t have to change clothes to sit down to meditate. You can just plop into position anytime you like. Man, I like that kind of freedom of movement!

So let’s do some of that freaky shaman stuff you learned how to do where you bend time like a rainbow ; you know, where you make a great bridge from hither to yon. Let’s meet in body and start the molecular process of positive change.

What’s that? It’s already happening?


I’ll be thinking about the color shirt I want to wear with those jeans.

Bubble Universe

It seemed so solid

Till I gained the perspective

That I’m living on the Outer Edge of a bubble,

Looking in.

Ah! Look! There you are. And there is Auntie Em.

Tender heartache, too, for my ex-husband, Tim.

There go the living and the dead,

all the enemies and all the friends

some who are still fighting and others who

smile and say, “You win.”